Don’t be sittin’ on muh purse biatch!

So Im sitting on the bus and as it empties out, I notice a woman stopping by my seat, hesitating…Should she sit next to me or can she find a seat in the back? My purse is on the seat and I see her from the corner of my eye. Bitch sits on the bench and a bit on my purse. I didnt move it and when I walked out..I shoved the bitch lol

Vans vs cars

Have you ever encountered a fellow driver on the road in a larger vehicle thinking that they can cut you off simply because they drive a truck or a van? Yeah, you know the ones “I have  a big truck so you’re gonna move tiny car”. Oh, not in this lifetime buddy!

Today I took fate into my own hands and decided to teach an SUV driver a lesson. Check it: Im in my car at the Shoppers on Tenth and ready to stroll out of the safety of my tiny parking space, when I see a car drive out. I let him go by because I didnt want to cut him off, despite the fact that I was pulling out first. So Im already a lil annoyed, but meh I decide to be the good Samaritan and let the fucker drive out in front of me. So finally, I pull out and start driving, only to see this big van or SUV try to pull a fast one and get out of his spot ahead of me. Oh fuck no, I wasnt gonna have it, so I continue to drive along, slightly increasing my speed in an attempt to prevent him from doing the inevitable. The fucker CUNTinues to move forward increasing his speed to continue the cut off. Let’s just say that I went as far as I could without causing a collision, put on the brakes, and as I inched just a bit further ahead of him I honked. REALLY LOUDLY. He stops and looks at me like Im the crazy one? I had the right of way buddy. Dont pretend you didnt see me because you weren’t skilled enough to cut off a young girl in a silver 2001 Grand Am. So I move ahead…. Only to notice that he wasnt trying to go left (in his failed attempt at a cutoff, he ends up on the wrong side of the road, so I figured he was gonna continue and we’d be side by side. Which annoyed me) he was going to turn right as I was. So he truly failed and demonstrated that he was trying to cut me off but couldnt get ahead of me so ended up to the left. He ended up following me…eeep. Oh well. Come and get me is what I yelled to myself as I strode away satisfied in my victory.

You may be bigger and think you are better, but you ain’t never come up against a Grand Am!

Moral of the story: Dont fuck with me on the road. You ain’t gonna win.

The end 😉

Cyclists vs. Pedestrians

I don’t know about you, but I most certainly am NOT a cyclist and if I do venture out on my bicycle (which is, like, never) I do it on a bike path or on a quiet residential street. I don’t venture out on the highway or on city streets and I certainly follow the rules of the road.

I’ve noticed, especially with the appearance of various bicycle lanes, a number of cyclists disobeying the rules of the road or causing accidents by hitting pedestrians (who should, mind you, keep an eye out as well) simply because they think they have the right of way. Let me tell you something: When you drive a car, you might have the right of way on a green light or on a street, but if someone jay walks in front of you, YOU ARE the person responsible for the accident and you will be charged. Why should this be any different for cyclists? They arent even vehicles lol. While some cyclists wish to be considered as such, they surely neglect to follow traffic laws (i.e. using the pedestrian crosswalk to get around waiting at a red light, etc.). Gee I wish I could walk out of my car, put it in neutral and walk it across the pedestrian crossing. Seriously. Make up your mind. You are either a vehicle of the road OR you are a pedestrian. You can’t have it both ways.

I notice the frustration from cyclists when pedestrians watch carefully for cars, but non-challantly make their way through a bike path or road without a care for whomever may be coming their way. I get that. But seriously, you aren’t a 1 ton machine. You are riding a 30 lbs bike and can stop a lot more easily. So get over yourselves. Keep your eyes open. You are a nuissance.

Why am I suddenly going off on cyclists? I had a run in today. I was crossing the street, where bike lanes exist, and carefully looked to see if any were coming. None were so my friend and I crossed. Unfortunately, we didnt see a bike coming on the other side of the street as we approached the end of our journey across the road. Who yelled at us? The cyclist? No. None other than 2 older ladies in their late 40s or early 50s telling us to watch out in a very aggressive manner. Then, as we avoided collision, the cyclist gave us a dirty look but it was the head nodding from side to side from one of the old bats that really pissed me off. “Watch where you’re going”. WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU? I told my friend I hated cyclists and one of the women went off on us. She must have been a fellow rider because she schooled us on the right of way. Well sweety, I said, if she hits me..shes in trouble, to which she replied that this was not so as I would have caused the accident. I said, try hitting someone with your car and tell me who the police will think is responsible. That shut her up. Let me tell you, we were pissed! Im sure that had we been in Depends as well, we wouldnt have gotten that foul treatment.

Some people!

Do blondes do it better?

Earlier today I had a debate with a male friend about blondes and why men like them. I asked the question. I suddenly found myself thinking about it last week when I found out that a guy I liked had a girlfriend. She was blonde. Why is it that as soon as I see a guy dating a blonde, I automatically assume that he has a type. Like he only likes blonde chicks. Then I find myself judging him for it, like he’s somehow less of a human being because he likes blondes. Like he couldnt possibly be anyone I could see myself with because he likes blondes. I get sort of upset when I see a brown haired man dating a blonde, especially if he’s not of European descent. No not really, just any guy. But I guess if I see a guy who is so far from a blonde himself, who likes someone who is like none of the women in his culture –whom you would think he’d be attracted to but is clearly rejecting–could possibly date someone with blonde hair. It makes me think that he’s really going out of his way to date someone simply because she has yellow strands of matter stemming from her head.

The worst of it is, is that she’s cute, his girlfriend I mean, but more the girl next door type. Plain Jane. Not even a hot bombshell blonde. Yet he flirts with me, so I guess he’s not completely resigned to dating blondes.

He’s the one I had the argument with. He said he’s dated brunettes before, but had to go back. How fucking rude a thing is it to tell something like that to a brunette. He even mentionned that most guys prefer blondes. How mean is that. Well clearly you dont, cause you keep flirting with me, coming over to my desk, and going out of your way to pass by it. You look for me when you walk by from what I hear. When Im not there. That convo just pissed me off, but then again I dissed blondes and his gf is blonde. I dont get it. They have no pigmentation. Ugh.

So is it really true? Do men prefer blondes? Ive never been pushed over for one, nor have I had trouble meeting a man because of it. Although I do notice the attention they get. It stands out more I guess.

Anyways, that’s my little bit of information that Im just throwing out there in the universe.

The Noisy Eater

There are some things that occur while riding the bus that are annoying, but some acts just take the cake! I’m talking about people who eat on the bus. Sure, enjoy your bag o’ chips or whatever, but when you start bringing dishware and utensils, this is where I draw the line. This ain’t no restaurant lady. It’s not a fast food take out joint. It’s the bus! Eating on the bus is the equivalent to eating in the bathroom. It’s vile, not only because it’s full of germs and nasty…but yeah pretty much because of that. It’s just inappropriate!

So this morning, I hop on the express route only to hear a clanging noise. This is a nightmare to my ears because I can’t stand the sound of a spoon or fork hitting a piece of glass (bowl, etc.) so the last place I expect to hear it is on the bus! This lady was eating oatmeal, or whatever, in a glass! I look at her like “seriously lady? are you kidding me? really right now?” She was looking back and I could tell by her face that she was cognizant of the fact that she was damn annoying! I could also tell that other passengers were annoyed as well. One man turns around with annoyance then suddenly realizes he knows the noise maker. He goes and sits with her, they talk. I’m like “No man! Don’t prolong it!” If you get her talking, we’ll never hear the end of it! So it lasted the whole busride. Like I swear, that glass was bottomless. It wouldnt end. Like how much fricken oatmeal can one fit in one of those things. I mean really?

Luckily peace ensued when she was done. I think I even saw her say something to the man about me being annoyed. From the corner of my eye, I saw him stare at me as she put her damn glass away and then bat his hand like “Ignore that.” Well, he sure as hell wasnt until he realize who she was. Idiot.Maybe she’ll accidentally eat a tapeworm in the process one day. That’ll teach her.

You ugly, bitch!

Don’t you just hate when ugly people think they are hot? I’ve dealt with several in the past few years… They primp themselves up, talk about all the guys that “want” them and about all the attention they get from guys. I have no idea why. Maybe they meet guys with low standards or maybe they are making it up. Actually, I know they do.

These girls are ugly or fat or both! So annoying. Sometimes, you just wanna tell them “you’re not that hot” or “you’re ugly” or “yeah right”, but ya don’t.  Alas, these are not socially acceptable phrases, so I simply listen as they drone on. Smile and nod as they go on with their tales of adoration from the opposite sex. It’s like you know they are lying. There is no way anyone finds them attractive. Unless they are equally as ugly. Yes, I have seen the quality of the men they attract and they certainly arent 10s on the rating scale. It’s nice to get attention and Im happy for you, but look at the person telling you dears. Quality vs quantity ladies. 😉

xoxo

Jealous Bitches

I won’t lie, Im educated. More educated than everyone on my team. I applied to grad school and, unlike most, was accepted and completed my graduate work. Am I a snob? Do I think Im smarter than everyone else? No. However, this one person with a bachelor and a college certificate she likes to call “graduate work” (LMFAO). Whatever floats your boat sister. She walks around trying to sound like an encyclopedia or a dictionary, trying so hard to make herself sound as though she is intelligent. She puts others down when they dont comprehend a new task and speaks to them like they are 5 or semi-retarded, while explaining it again. She even says that she knows more than anyone else and refers to popular fiction literature as “trash that [I] would never read”  So when faced with me, who is a level below her, she likes to make all sorts of comments about this. Of course, it’s always about a “friend” or something a “manager” said to a “friend”. What was it “You are doing assistant work, so managers will look down on you for doing this for the past 2 years because you have a grad degree.”. I coulda punched the uneducated (and I do say FAT and UGLY) bitch. She spent 3 years being an assistant herself before kissing her ass to a very junior position (oh and she seriously believes shes really 2 levels above what her substantive position is). So, I say, you’re telling me that if two assistants apply for a PE job come to you, you will take the one who knows nothing, has a bachelor’s degree in a completely unrelated field, over someone with more experience, knowledge, and a Masters degree? Right. That makes total sense. …I walked away.

Oh and she says she applied to grad school, got accepted in 2 places and refused to go to college. LOL. Money was an issue…Sure…Your dad is a chef and why would you apply if you couldnt afford it in the first place? I think she failed at life. Wow, a know it all not getting into graduate school? Must hurt. Ouch! She says she now wants to concentrate on a family that she cant have…. Sure sister.

God women are so catty. I hate them.

LOL

Strollers: If you can’t afford a car, you can’t afford a kid

For many of us bus-goers the ride is usually somewhat pleasant, until someone pisses us off! The fat people who take up too much room, the morons who sit next to you despite there being 50 empty seats, and of course the middle aged women with inferiority complexes who sit next to you and constantly elbow you while taking 3/4 of your seat!

Today’s topic of discussion is an entirely different beast: The broke-ass mom who can’t afford a car, who decides to bring her huge-ass stroller on the bus, forcing you to get up and give up your seat. I mean it’s annoying enough for an elderly or handicapped person to ask this, or even a pregnant woman, but this person?? Especially when the kid is like 5 and is quite able to walk on their own without the use of the gigantic contraption!! Everyone has to get up for the mom and her stupid kid/stroller to fit in the handicapped area where the seats go up to make room for HANDICAPPED PEOPLE. God. WTF. What are you doing lady? Don’t you gotta van to stick that kid in? No? You can’t afford it? Well what makes you think you can afford that kid in the stroller? Rule of thumb: If you can’t afford a car, or gas for that car, than you can’t afford a kid. Time to tie those tubes or make a pit stop for an IUD!

I had one memorable experience, just last week. St-Laurent stop (there’s a shocker, I think most of the Ottawa sub-housing is located there), a fatish lady, looks like a man, no makeup and bad hair gets on the bus. I hear the dump truck beeps as the entrance floorway goes down to let her and her vehicle onto the bus. She gets to our section and looks at the guy next to me (luckily for her it wasnt me she was looking at) and says in a bitchy manner: “Can you make room for a strollllerrrr?” and gives this bitchy annoyed face. Ha! Like she had a right to that area. I get up and look right at her, prior to exiting the bus to wait for another because I wasn’t gonna stand, and say “That is really frustrating”. If she had spoke to me directly, I woulda added “If you can’t afford a car, you can’t afford a kid”

The Big Demon: Age

Why is age so important to everyone over the age of I dunno 25 or almost 25? Why are we all so obsessed with looking younger, lying about our age, dressing in age inappropriate manners, poking fun at each other? Age is most definitely the source of many insecurities we adults hold. Our society tells us that youth is valued and the old are discarded. No one wants to be discarded, so they try to keep up. Ever since I turned 25, all Ive heard were age related comments, insults and jokes directed at myself. Some by people only a couple years younger than me. Are you in denial?!? When you start behaving as though someone a couple of years older than you is from another generation or older than you are, it’s quiet obvious you are in denial and have some major issues. Leave it to me to expose these issues. I can spot these people miles away: The look of joy when they find out you’re 25 and not 19, the comments regarding the age of others by 50 year olds (seriously?), even the famous male/female double standard. Ive seen them all. It’s like aging is bad, but we all go through it. How can I make it so that I don’t age or so that I age but I’m immune to the stigma? I’ll dress to look 30 years younger, buy a sports car and get a girlfriend that belongs to the generation toting this style of dress. I’ll also say that because I am a man, Im ok. Ill create an industry dedicated to anti-aging products for women and make women believe that this standard only applies to them. A multi million dollar idea! Chaching!

What? Last I time I checked you aged as well. Last time I checked, young women didn’t want wrinkles and white hair and pot bellies either. LOL. Now that we make our own money, the standard is shifting and slowly applying to men. Some anti-aging products for men are released and balance is soon to be restored. Ain’t life grand? No, we want young guys with washboard abs and a winning personality. Who says the number matters anyways? If you look 20 then you pretty much are. Maybe not mentally, but physically. There are 17 year olds who are obese just like there are 35 year olds who thin, hot and look 21. Age doesnt define who we are and I won’t let it control me.

Pregnant Women & Cows

So I go across the street to the Thai Place that everyone goes to. It’s quick and easy. The chicken yellow curry is pretty good actually. The line is worth the wait. I stand there and notice a girl wearing the following outfit: Black leggings and a grey stretchy top. Did I mention it was tight? Oh and that she had a baby bump!? So the new thing is to wear the regular slutty clothes you’d wear at the club or on the daily, but while you’re pregnant. The question is, should this be the norm? It’s just so odd. I mean, you’re pregnant, why arent you wearing maternity clothing? I guess they want to feel normal and still be hip blah blah. Maternity clothes suck. Blah. But do we wanna see it? Not a big deal, just something that bothers me. I started wondering if I should approach her and say “The belly…the regular sized tight clothing…what’s up with that?” Instead I just settled for a blank stare and kept on moving.  At least we can see how she got pregnant.

After receiving my food, I get to the counter to pick up my utensil and put some hot sauce in one of those annoying teeny tiny lil paper cups. Of course Im in everyone’s way. Go ahead God damn it. Ill never get my sauce or get out of here but go ahead. I finally get my shit together and head toward the door where my sauce spills, but I catch the container on time. I make to leave while a tiny Asian man runs after me with a cloth saying “here whipe whipe”! I have no idea what he’s talking about so I go to whipe the container and he says “no, your fingers!” Umm it’s cause I just licked them but thanks anyways. After that fiasco, I head to the door, grasp the handle and attempt to push, only to have this rude cow coming from outside pull it out from under me. I almost drop my meal and go ‘WOAAAH’ in a laughy tone that meant “Fuck you, you stupid bitch”. At that moment I turned around, went in after her and kicked her wholeheartedly in the ass. Right in the ass!! She fell forward and… Ok no I didn’t, but I really really wanted to! God, people are such assholes.

The end.